08012010

0300 in the morning.
another sleepness night.

it was days i kept myself at home
doing nothing but gazing on the computer screen,
occasionally going to the toilet, eating and sleeping.
the holidays is really taking away my life.

was on the phone for 2 hours.
wasnt sure what we were talking about.
but it sure wasn't anything you can expect from daily conversations.

i was in a bad mood,
and i didn't expect anyone to understand me
since life had been so lonely all these years.
it was quite normal when others misunderstand me or dont at all.
but i'm glad i got some out of my system today.

all these time i was hoping that someone could understand me for what i am.
to see behind surface
and to achieve deeper communications with me.
in short, though i was constantly in shallow conversations,
i hate them.

i wanted something that wasnt that on-the-surface.
i am sure i could take on topics that are deeper
but the fact is,
they wouldn't understand.

i often felt like an alien to people
and i coordinate my steps with them.
but am i moving too fast?
or am i acting in some ways that our society could not accept?

everyone has their own set of personalities.
as time goes by,
bits and pieces are corroded away in conformation to social norms.
i fought my way to preserve it
altering it to keep it's originality.

however, my situation confines me into a tight space
partially me to be blamed.
there is an ongoing flow of potential inside
but there's no where and no idea how to vent it.

well, as the old saying says,
I think too much.