Blogging has been an on and off thing for me.
Since I'm not having a good memory,
things do come and go quite fast through my mind.
It's a nuisance jotting down things that often makes you sad
it's much more like having to revise the sad life over and over again.
that's why i stopped.
Here, I owe someone an apology.
Dear C,
I knew i wasn't being the best partner,
I knew it hurts a lot.
I am very sorry for what I did.
Mere words couldn't express the guilt i felt deep inside.
Though I would've been laughing and having fun,
I made quite some effort trying to conceal how i truly felt inside.
I've made a promise to you
and I broke it.
Not only i breached the trust you had for me,
I broke your heart.
Confessions could be made,
but it would not liberate me from my sins.
I did not expect forgiveness from you,
although I wished dearly that we could be friends again.
It is my rightful consequence to bare the guilt and suffer as long as I could remember.
Perhaps the only way for me to feel better,
is to torture myself by owing you a late apology forever.
I wished after everything settles,
one day we could meet up,
and you could slap me on the face,
for being such a jerk.
I truly hope we could talk once more,
Regards,
Chris T.
2010年9月3日星期五
2010年3月2日星期二
Dream
梦想
最长的寿命就是在合起眼睛和睁开眼睛的那瞬间。
之后的一切，就是现实。
一个人要睁开眼睛，
也许要用上好多年，
也许等到他真正愿意认真地看，
才会发现这个世界并不是挂在墙上那幅画那么美丽。
有梦对一些人来说是幸福
虽然没有多少人能够完全实现它们
可是至少能够活在自己幻想的虚拟世界里
找到人生要走的方向
发现其中的快乐。。。
可悲的是一觉睡到天亮的人。
世界就像停止了一般
一眨眼就发现原本能够用来定义快乐的时间
这样就消失了。
有人说这才好，不会有发噩梦的可能，
因为他们不需要知道什么是好梦。
有一个问题其实我自己想了好久，
其实我想要发的梦到底会是怎样的？
回头看一下
在别人眼中，我不会是最乖的小孩，但是也坏不了哪儿去。
就是一直被人牵着鼻子走，一直在后面被人推着走。
他们说这才是真正需要走的方向。
曾经一度尝试过要挣扎
但是后来觉得一切都很徒劳，累了。
发现挣扎的意义也不存在，现在也还是被推着走。
大人的世界就是这样的现实。
也许他们很早已经过了发梦的时期
所以灌输下来的
对我来说都是很恐怖的现实。
在我的眼里，永远会有一个我不想到达的阶段，
仿佛自己一步一步的走向悬崖。
其实也想过要为自己搭桥，
可是都塌了。
被人拆掉的吧？也许因为方法不对了。
也想过其实很不甘心的啊，
毕竟花了好久的时间构思的想法，
就被几句话击垮。
可是不对就是不对啊。。。能怎么办了。
其实我很了解我自己
经不起太大的压力，也很多怨言。
好多时候我能够选择的解决方法就是逃避。
就是懦弱。
思前想后太多了，所以才不肯去接受。
从小到大，我逼不得已接受的事情就只有一样，也只是一次。
那次以后，就没有下次了。
我能够看见的世界
前方就是我能够预测到那么的灰暗。
没有梦想的人可悲吗？
那期待发梦却一觉到天明的人呢？
最长的寿命就是在合起眼睛和睁开眼睛的那瞬间。
之后的一切，就是现实。
一个人要睁开眼睛，
也许要用上好多年，
也许等到他真正愿意认真地看，
才会发现这个世界并不是挂在墙上那幅画那么美丽。
有梦对一些人来说是幸福
虽然没有多少人能够完全实现它们
可是至少能够活在自己幻想的虚拟世界里
找到人生要走的方向
发现其中的快乐。。。
可悲的是一觉睡到天亮的人。
世界就像停止了一般
一眨眼就发现原本能够用来定义快乐的时间
这样就消失了。
有人说这才好，不会有发噩梦的可能，
因为他们不需要知道什么是好梦。
有一个问题其实我自己想了好久，
其实我想要发的梦到底会是怎样的？
回头看一下
在别人眼中，我不会是最乖的小孩，但是也坏不了哪儿去。
就是一直被人牵着鼻子走，一直在后面被人推着走。
他们说这才是真正需要走的方向。
曾经一度尝试过要挣扎
但是后来觉得一切都很徒劳，累了。
发现挣扎的意义也不存在，现在也还是被推着走。
大人的世界就是这样的现实。
也许他们很早已经过了发梦的时期
所以灌输下来的
对我来说都是很恐怖的现实。
在我的眼里，永远会有一个我不想到达的阶段，
仿佛自己一步一步的走向悬崖。
其实也想过要为自己搭桥，
可是都塌了。
被人拆掉的吧？也许因为方法不对了。
也想过其实很不甘心的啊，
毕竟花了好久的时间构思的想法，
就被几句话击垮。
可是不对就是不对啊。。。能怎么办了。
其实我很了解我自己
经不起太大的压力，也很多怨言。
好多时候我能够选择的解决方法就是逃避。
就是懦弱。
思前想后太多了，所以才不肯去接受。
从小到大，我逼不得已接受的事情就只有一样，也只是一次。
那次以后，就没有下次了。
我能够看见的世界
前方就是我能够预测到那么的灰暗。
没有梦想的人可悲吗？
那期待发梦却一觉到天明的人呢？
2010年2月9日星期二
When the angel smiles upon us
during classes,
you could see them running around
making very adorable noise to amuse you
jumping around and smiling away happily
sometimes they are annoying
but in the end, they are the ones that gives back the laughter.
they are as normal as any other kids are.
over-pampered by their parents
and as naive as any pure-hearted children will be.
they never see themselves as special.
labels are given by "normal" people
to the less fortunate. to them.
they never knew.
they never understood.
and what we "normal" people would love to give is
sympathy, without truly understanding the meaning of helping.
personally, when i first lay my eyes on these little souls
i have no idea of how their future will be.
from what i could see is they have all the love they could get
from everyone around
but what if they were left alone?
they couldn't survive.
i was talking to my supervisor during lunch
was also wondering how will these souls grow up to be
and i was told roughly on how will their lives could be.
Dreams are a luxury for them
as they have no power to achieve dreams like we do.
Luck is the most important asset to these people.
if lucky, you could make it smoothly through some stages in life
but when the luck wears off, its up to them to walk through.
To most of us
life is full of hardship.
hurdles to overcome, problems to solve.
complain complain complain.
nothing is enough so we ask for more
and of course, " I am the centre of the universe."
but did we ever wondered
what could it be if we were in their shoes?
Be grateful people.
you could see them running around
making very adorable noise to amuse you
jumping around and smiling away happily
sometimes they are annoying
but in the end, they are the ones that gives back the laughter.
they are as normal as any other kids are.
over-pampered by their parents
and as naive as any pure-hearted children will be.
they never see themselves as special.
labels are given by "normal" people
to the less fortunate. to them.
they never knew.
they never understood.
and what we "normal" people would love to give is
sympathy, without truly understanding the meaning of helping.
personally, when i first lay my eyes on these little souls
i have no idea of how their future will be.
from what i could see is they have all the love they could get
from everyone around
but what if they were left alone?
they couldn't survive.
i was talking to my supervisor during lunch
was also wondering how will these souls grow up to be
and i was told roughly on how will their lives could be.
Dreams are a luxury for them
as they have no power to achieve dreams like we do.
Luck is the most important asset to these people.
if lucky, you could make it smoothly through some stages in life
but when the luck wears off, its up to them to walk through.
To most of us
life is full of hardship.
hurdles to overcome, problems to solve.
complain complain complain.
nothing is enough so we ask for more
and of course, " I am the centre of the universe."
but did we ever wondered
what could it be if we were in their shoes?
Be grateful people.
2010年1月14日星期四
What if?
What if one day you found out the path you walk
just doesn't end up where you expected to lead?
what if one day you knew you had the power
to do better but you didn't do so?
what if one day you found out that you could achieve better if you just insist on small things?
what if one day you start to weep over the unfulfilled choices that you could simply just do better?
what if you had the power to change today in the past and failed to do so?
what if you knew one day you would cry for you misfortune and regret?
I'd say,
give myself a tap on the shoulder
and turn around looking at tomorrow,
don't look back 'cause what's done is done.
I still could mold tomorrow into what i want.
just doesn't end up where you expected to lead?
what if one day you knew you had the power
to do better but you didn't do so?
what if one day you found out that you could achieve better if you just insist on small things?
what if one day you start to weep over the unfulfilled choices that you could simply just do better?
what if you had the power to change today in the past and failed to do so?
what if you knew one day you would cry for you misfortune and regret?
I'd say,
give myself a tap on the shoulder
and turn around looking at tomorrow,
don't look back 'cause what's done is done.
I still could mold tomorrow into what i want.
2010年1月12日星期二
13012010- Industrial Training
放假。
其实训练也没怎样吧？
比我预想的，轻松。
可是才两天，也不能肯定的。
Day 1.
原本8.30开始上班
我5点起身，6.30出门，7.30到达，就等。
一点也不觉得紧张。
如果在一个普通的地方上班，那时的心情也太轻松了。XD
其实我工作也没什么
这两天就是跟小朋友们一起学习
照顾和帮助他们
可是短短两天就让我的人生慢慢开始改观了。
MeiMei是个高高大大的女孩
她很听话，就老师们叫她做什么都做哦
比较害羞，看到我还是陌生人就会羞涩的望开
偶尔比较懒惰，因为我发现他搬椅子的时候坐下了。。。^^
她本质很聪明哦，都不用我帮忙的~哈哈
作业都自己做，也很独立~^^
James的脾气有点暴躁
可是都蛮喜欢我的，他也很听话
虽然到后面开始耍脾气 ==
下午时分的小朋友我忘了他叫什么名字。。。 T^T
可是就一直跑来跑去，我也一直追来追去。。。
他很聪明，知道我没运动。。。XD
我也一直抱着他，他就像猫一样跟我撒娇。。。XD
导师说今天的小朋友比较难搞
可是我觉得乱开心的
虽然很累，可是看见他们很活泼的样子
我就觉得就算多累也要坚持到放学。
以前也不明白为什么他们会说这句话
可是今天就明白了。^^
可是还是在妈妈的公司睡到跟什么一样。XD
Day 2.
也跟第一天差不多吧。
没什么差。
还是要照顾小朋友。。。
可是今天的小朋友也太可爱了。
都是四眼的可爱小帅哥！ XD
Choy Yen 是个很有礼貌的小弟弟
一直叫我gorgor的。。。哈哈
很听话很乖的， gorgor叫他做什么都做
可能因为妈妈在旁边吧
会说thank you 和 excuse me
他还告诉我他的不懂谁要去日本，送他去airport。。。
下课还懂得把香蕉送给朋友
(可是最后自己吃，深度怀疑是妈妈叫他这样做的) XD
Darren 是个很有个性的小朋友
也是我看过说NO说到最有个性的一个人。。。XD
他很铁齿，也很心软
而且他很不喜欢人家知道他的小秘密。。。XD
可是到最后，还是被我感动了
很粘我~XD
Yes! 成功！
导师问我，其实看到小朋友们会不会吓倒
我心里面想还真的没有~
而且我没把他们看成什么特殊的人来看待
我把他们看成我弟弟那样疼~哈哈~
其实他们跟我们一样的啦！
而且比我们还要聪明！
hmm~ 也很可爱啦
可惜别人就是不愿意去看。可惜。
其实训练也没怎样吧？
比我预想的，轻松。
可是才两天，也不能肯定的。
Day 1.
原本8.30开始上班
我5点起身，6.30出门，7.30到达，就等。
一点也不觉得紧张。
如果在一个普通的地方上班，那时的心情也太轻松了。XD
其实我工作也没什么
这两天就是跟小朋友们一起学习
照顾和帮助他们
可是短短两天就让我的人生慢慢开始改观了。
MeiMei是个高高大大的女孩
她很听话，就老师们叫她做什么都做哦
比较害羞，看到我还是陌生人就会羞涩的望开
偶尔比较懒惰，因为我发现他搬椅子的时候坐下了。。。^^
她本质很聪明哦，都不用我帮忙的~哈哈
作业都自己做，也很独立~^^
James的脾气有点暴躁
可是都蛮喜欢我的，他也很听话
虽然到后面开始耍脾气 ==
下午时分的小朋友我忘了他叫什么名字。。。 T^T
可是就一直跑来跑去，我也一直追来追去。。。
他很聪明，知道我没运动。。。XD
我也一直抱着他，他就像猫一样跟我撒娇。。。XD
导师说今天的小朋友比较难搞
可是我觉得乱开心的
虽然很累，可是看见他们很活泼的样子
我就觉得就算多累也要坚持到放学。
以前也不明白为什么他们会说这句话
可是今天就明白了。^^
可是还是在妈妈的公司睡到跟什么一样。XD
Day 2.
也跟第一天差不多吧。
没什么差。
还是要照顾小朋友。。。
可是今天的小朋友也太可爱了。
都是四眼的可爱小帅哥！ XD
Choy Yen 是个很有礼貌的小弟弟
一直叫我gorgor的。。。哈哈
很听话很乖的， gorgor叫他做什么都做
可能因为妈妈在旁边吧
会说thank you 和 excuse me
他还告诉我他的不懂谁要去日本，送他去airport。。。
下课还懂得把香蕉送给朋友
(可是最后自己吃，深度怀疑是妈妈叫他这样做的) XD
Darren 是个很有个性的小朋友
也是我看过说NO说到最有个性的一个人。。。XD
他很铁齿，也很心软
而且他很不喜欢人家知道他的小秘密。。。XD
可是到最后，还是被我感动了
很粘我~XD
Yes! 成功！
导师问我，其实看到小朋友们会不会吓倒
我心里面想还真的没有~
而且我没把他们看成什么特殊的人来看待
我把他们看成我弟弟那样疼~哈哈~
其实他们跟我们一样的啦！
而且比我们还要聪明！
hmm~ 也很可爱啦
可惜别人就是不愿意去看。可惜。
2010年1月8日星期五
08012010
Note to myself.
Those who judge people by appearance ( me included ) are disgusting.
The society itself is disgusting.
Ugly people are mutes.
Poor people are handicapped.
People with lesser abilities are considered trash.
The society works by discarding useless things.
Life is everything but fair.
The society itself is disgusting.
Ugly people are mutes.
Poor people are handicapped.
People with lesser abilities are considered trash.
The society works by discarding useless things.
Life is everything but fair.
Life Sucks. ^^ FACE IT.
2010年1月7日星期四
08012010
0300 in the morning.
another sleepness night.
it was days i kept myself at home
doing nothing but gazing on the computer screen,
occasionally going to the toilet, eating and sleeping.
the holidays is really taking away my life.
was on the phone for 2 hours.
wasnt sure what we were talking about.
but it sure wasn't anything you can expect from daily conversations.
i was in a bad mood,
and i didn't expect anyone to understand me
since life had been so lonely all these years.
it was quite normal when others misunderstand me or dont at all.
but i'm glad i got some out of my system today.
all these time i was hoping that someone could understand me for what i am.
to see behind surface
and to achieve deeper communications with me.
in short, though i was constantly in shallow conversations,
i hate them.
i wanted something that wasnt that on-the-surface.
i am sure i could take on topics that are deeper
but the fact is,
they wouldn't understand.
i often felt like an alien to people
and i coordinate my steps with them.
but am i moving too fast?
or am i acting in some ways that our society could not accept?
everyone has their own set of personalities.
as time goes by,
bits and pieces are corroded away in conformation to social norms.
i fought my way to preserve it
altering it to keep it's originality.
however, my situation confines me into a tight space
partially me to be blamed.
there is an ongoing flow of potential inside
but there's no where and no idea how to vent it.
well, as the old saying says,
I think too much.
another sleepness night.
it was days i kept myself at home
doing nothing but gazing on the computer screen,
occasionally going to the toilet, eating and sleeping.
the holidays is really taking away my life.
was on the phone for 2 hours.
wasnt sure what we were talking about.
but it sure wasn't anything you can expect from daily conversations.
i was in a bad mood,
and i didn't expect anyone to understand me
since life had been so lonely all these years.
it was quite normal when others misunderstand me or dont at all.
but i'm glad i got some out of my system today.
all these time i was hoping that someone could understand me for what i am.
to see behind surface
and to achieve deeper communications with me.
in short, though i was constantly in shallow conversations,
i hate them.
i wanted something that wasnt that on-the-surface.
i am sure i could take on topics that are deeper
but the fact is,
they wouldn't understand.
i often felt like an alien to people
and i coordinate my steps with them.
but am i moving too fast?
or am i acting in some ways that our society could not accept?
everyone has their own set of personalities.
as time goes by,
bits and pieces are corroded away in conformation to social norms.
i fought my way to preserve it
altering it to keep it's originality.
however, my situation confines me into a tight space
partially me to be blamed.
there is an ongoing flow of potential inside
but there's no where and no idea how to vent it.
well, as the old saying says,
I think too much.
2010年1月4日星期一
04012010
the last week of holidays
will start internship next week
went out with old classmates again
went back to the places we used to hang out
memories flashed back
it was quite happy
nothing much to think about
we've grown up
changed.
its kinda nice to see what time has done to us
looking back on what we used to be
and realize
no matter how much we worked hard to go back
time kept pushing us forward.
will start internship next week
went out with old classmates again
went back to the places we used to hang out
memories flashed back
it was quite happy
nothing much to think about
we've grown up
changed.
its kinda nice to see what time has done to us
looking back on what we used to be
and realize
no matter how much we worked hard to go back
time kept pushing us forward.
订阅：
博文 (Atom)
